Ramblings of a depressed woman

The house is in turmoil - to much time together, to many adults all in the same house Its very difficult when two of the adults are the grown children of the other two.

Anger festers and boils out over trivial comments.

No one apologizes for the hurt, the pain, the sorrow caused. Each would rather have the other apologize.

Old angers and hurts are dragged out and reviewed.

We were terrible parents. We spanked, sometimes unjustly, its easy to point and say that this is where you did the incorrect thing.

The self loathing I feel for not being a better parent is crippling. I wish I had better role models, but I am a product of my parents. A battered and abused wife, an alcoholic and abusive father, whom I suspect of having some bi-polar tendencies, based on reviewing my memories. Its too late to know, both are long dead and their children reap their sowing.

Too long too late. My children are grown and alternately love and hate us in turn. They want to escape to another state. I wish I could make it possible for them.

I wish that I could get any of us to have a conversation with out it turning into a battle.

I wish, I wish, I wish, but none of that does any good.

Eventually they will leave and we will be left behind, as it should be, but the thought hurts.

Oh well. It is what it is and I can only accept it.

In the vein of depression, I'd like to talk to you about death

Lets be honest. We are all going to die. That is the truth, but have you thought about what it means?

I invite you to ask me anything about the death industry, really, anything.

I will respond in an open and honest manner.

And now I am just babbling

Rereading my last post from 2 years ago - I am still at Mortuary Service Provider. My interviews didn't pan out like I had hoped, but in looking at those same companies now I only only be grateful. One has a problematic worker, and their record with female employees makes me thank the Goddess everyday that I do not have to work with him on a regular basis. Nothing like having have your staff quit in protest when you bring said problem child from oe funeral home to another.

The other position (different company) was given to another person, and honestly I cannot understand why they do things the way that they do. But I don't work for them, so it really doesn't matter I guess.

Its a very small world in the death industry, so you always want to be cautious in what you say or do.