31 Jul 2011

nephir: All I need (Default)

Lammas approaches and I have no harvest to bring in. No bread to bake for friends and family, no rabbit to roast nor corn maiden to dress my altar.

For the first time in many many years we have closed down the coven and pulled inwards to get our lives on track once again.

It’s been in motion for a couple of years so it’s nothing that we haven’t seen coming. It started with me being laid off from work. I spent 6 to 8 months in a depression over the job loss and fear of what we were going to do to survive. I couldn’t focus on anyone else’s issues, not marriage, health, or finances.

Once I pulled myself out of the depression I looked at what we as a coven were doing and was unhappy.

We met, maybe once a month and rather than celebrate the season/moon and maybe do a little work for others all we did was bitch. Bitch bitch bitch. About how terrible the world was, how terrible our lives were, how terrible our health was, how constricted our money was.

That right there signaled the end to that iteration of the coven. I take some of the blame, as the priestess it was my job to lead, but I couldn’t. It was worse than herding cats. Cats at least occasionally listen to what you have to say.

We’d grown apart in our fellowship, more than distance from one town to another, but in ideology and needs. I needed a coven that stepped up and acted like the Elders that they were and shared and shouldered the running of the coven and instead what we were was a group of cranky toddlers whining forever about finances, health and the world. Instead of working to improve any of the issues we faced as individuals and a group we turned into disorganized chaos. We all have to accept our share of the blame.

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